To My Mother Who Put Her Dreams on Hold for Me

“Mothers and their children are in a category of their own. There’s no bond so strong in the entire world. No love so instantaneous and forgiving.” — Gail Tsukiyama

You were my first friend and will be my best friend for life.

We go from admiring our mothers, glued to their side, to bickering and challenging them, protesting all their advice and warnings.

We then go from missing them boundlessly, beginning to appreciate them more and more, to finally adoring them again, unable to make a decision without their advice and wisdom.

You made me as strong as you are.

As I reluctantly left the nest, scared and unsure of myself, you gave me that extra push, the push I needed to make me realize that the world isn’t a scary place.

It’s a place where you need to take risks to be happy and you never follow the rules people have cultivated just to play it safe.

You pushed me to take charge of my life – and at first, I protested, scared of adulthood and change, resenting you for pushing me to grow up. 

But then I realized that you did it because you love me – because only when you take charge of your life independently, can you tap into an extraordinary life.

If you didn’t push me and sacrifice so much for me, there is no way that I would be here today – relishing in my independence and unapologetically going after what makes me happy.

There are a million things I never thanked you for.

All the times you had to double as best friend/counselor/therapist/costume designer/hair stylist/coach/all-around-solver-of-every-problem-ever. 

For teaching me to have a no-bullshit attitude; to know when I was being taking advantage of and when to walk away from people who weren’t appreciating me.

For dealing with dad, and all my douchey boyfriends. You listened to me go and on for hours about so-and-so even though you knew he wasn’t the right guy for me. 

For all those times when you nagged me to bring an umbrella, eat those vegetables, wear a warmer jacket, and budget my money.

When things fell apart, you hugged me and wiped my tears away, whispering everything will be okay – and because of you, they were. 

And then you taught me to roll up my sleeves and get tougher – because you said I was a star and I shouldn’t cry over anyone who clearly didn’t understand that.